Everything in life for me today is very different than how I thought it would go when I was younger.
I thought that my depression would cease to exist once I had a stable relationship and friends. I thought that my anxiety would go away once I had a good job that wouldn’t fire me even for making mistakes. I thought that having a house and income would be enough to make me not wish for more.
Alas, that isn’t how it went. At this point, I’ve gotten married, bought a house, found a good job (on my 2nd good job, currently) and still have all the same problems. Still depressed, still anxious, and definitely still need more money to accomplish anything.
From when I was somewhere around 10 years of age, I knew that I wanted to do something in IT or engineering, because I liked working with my hands, but I also loved computers. I had the opportunity to take several IT classes during high school, and decided to continue pursuing that into college. I got my Bachelors of Science in Cyber Security (which is cool) with a minor in Business Analytics (which I quickly found out that I want nothing to do with). Coming out of college, I was already getting engaged and in the process of purchasing a house (not old money, just dead relative money), so I thought I was going to have it all.
I accepted my first IT job at a small company in another town in the same state as where I was born and went to college. My to-be-wife chose the place based on her career aspirations, and I figured that I could get a job in IT anywhere. Well, I got a job in IT…but not in cyber security. The amount of money I was making was nowhere near what the college had told me that I would be getting. Honestly, college doesn’t feel like it was worth it.
Continuing my career, I was rewarded with some decent raises which allowed me to continue paying my bills without constantly draining my savings. However, financial issues kept cropping up. Car troubles. House troubles. Veterinarian bills. I found myself barely staying afloat despite making more money than ever. Savings would be built up only to be shot back down on the next disaster. I reached a point where I realized that maybe it would have been better to not buy and instead just rent. I wouldn’t have the equity, but it wouldn’t cost quite so much, and anything that happened to the house wouldn’t come out of my bank account.
If I had the opportunity to do everything in life again, I think I would do things completely different. I don’t know that I would have bothered with college, but if I did it again, I would have moved to an area where I could make good money from it, working in Silicon Valley or D.C. Downside to those are that it’s expensive to live there, too. I wouldn’t have gotten animals. I would’ve waited to get married instead of rushing it (and I don’t even have any issues with my wife).
At present, I’m still happy with my wife and I’m tolerating our current house until we can afford to move (once her income stream starts coming in). I’m living with being in IT for a few more years, but doing help desk roles for years has me burnt out of it entirely. I’d love to start my own business doing something completely different, but I’m not sure how far I will get with that. I’ll try to keep doing stuff with this website, possibly revitalize my YouTube or Twitch channels, and see where life takes me going forward.
I hope that anyone reading this does not live with as many regrets as I do.
-Will
